GameStop Staffer I:
How can I help you, bud?
GameStop Patron:
I’d like to go ahead and pre-order LittleBigPlanet — are you guys doing that yet?
***Brrr-RING***
GameStop Staffer I:
Yeah man — no problem. Lemme just tell these people I don’t have any Wiis.
Lately, many games writers have been striving to define what Brainy Gamer Michael Abbott terms “the design and direction of narrative video games.” Abbott characterizes this fruitful convergence of minds as an emerging collective manifesto. The various points of view that he profiles are wildly exciting, and I’ve been thinking about each of them for what feels like quite some time. More recently, I’ve considered Mitch Krpata’s excellent piece, “Give me good writing,” in which Krpata laments the fact that “thoughtful, incisive” video game journalism is rarely “accessible to a general audience.” Surprisingly, all these ruminations finally came to a head last night when my wife handed me an article from the August 2008 issue of American Libraries. It paired acute observations on game stories with a highly approachable style. Needless to say, I was more than a little impressed — in fact, it pretty much blew my mind.
I’ve been trying to get back in shape by training for a 5K. It’s no piece of cake. When your idea of exercise has long consisted of an occasional one-mile jog or a bimonthly hike, running for thirty minutes will come pretty close to killing you the first time you try.
While I’d love to turn the whole thing into a game à la Russ Pitts’s brilliant “Master Chief in Sneakers: Making Life Not Suck,” I’m simply not ready to trust that the Nike+iPod’s RPG-like system will help my body level up. In short, it’s an expensive product and I don’t tend to get into role-playing games all that much.
Next best thing? Listening to Video Games Live: Greatest Hits — Volume 1 on my iPod Shuffle. The “Halo Suite” pushes me into overdrive every time.
Look. I’m not one of those You said WHAT about my mamma!? type of guys. I don’t get worked up over bull sessions, idle banter, or loose talk. At least, not in real life. But tonight, the Wii Balance Board advised me as to how I should treat my wife, and, well…I’ve got to say — I was surprised.
The BB and I were having a little chat after I’d finished up my daily Body Test. Now, I’m paraphrasing a little bit here, but it was all like, “So how’s your lady’s posture lately?” “Not much different,” I admitted. “Oh, that’s too bad. Change is awfully nice, don’t you think?” But before I could say anything, the Balance Board laid it on me: “By the way, a key component of dog training involves looking your bitch in the eye.”
Wait, what?
That screenshot’s tiny. But try and imagine its contents hurtling toward you at around ninety.
If you’re having trouble, then you’ve probably never played Burnout Paradise.
Criterion’s mastework delights in vehicular mayhem. Get behind the wheel, and you’ll invetiably lose control real quick, likely careening end-over-end. Whenever this happens to me, I wince almost uncontrollably. Sometimes a hand flies over my mouth. There’s a quick intake of breath, and then — mind you, this is pretty much every time — I guffaw like some kind of idiot.
And all of this happens before I’ve even taken my finger off the “go” button.
Wal-Mart Operator:
How may I direct your call?
mtvernon:
Umm…electronics? I’m looking for a video game.
Wal-Mart Operator:
Hold please.
mtvernon:
Thank you.
Wal-Mart Staffer I:
How can I help you.
mtvernon:
I’m looking for a PlayStation 3 game — actually it’s sort of a bundle. Comes with a camera. Eye of Judgement?
Wal-Mart Staffer I to Wal-Mart Staffer II:
We got I Am Legend?
What’s a corporate entity see when it looks in the mirror? How does a business reflect on its own identity? When might a company decide that their new approach isn’t attracting the right kind of commentary?
Not that I’m asking these questions because Nintendo isn’t on a lot of people’s minds lately; their sales numbers certainly indicate otherwise. Nevertheless, I’ve noticed a weird trend in the wake of this year’s E3 Media & Business Summit. Now, we all know an awful lot’s happened since the shakeup at 2006’s Electronic Entertainment Expo, and besides, almost nothing’s quite so exciting as new hardware. But the lack of speculation regarding Nintendo’s WiiSpeak peripheral reveal has me baffled. After all, this is a device that has the potential to put several major complaints to rest. We could see VoIP support retroactively added to major titles such as Mario Kart Wii and Super Smash Bros. Brawl! So what’s going on here?
Twitter